It’s Thanksgiving Day, 2014 – first time in 20+ years that I am not cooking a big feast and a 20+ lb turkey. This year has truly brought me lots of tears and fears but also lots of joy, clarity, courage and wins! I have forged new relationships and nurtured old ones. Relationships take a lot of work and it starts with this very critical piece – SELF-LOVE.
I am coming from a very confident, content and grateful place right now but it wasn’t long ago when I felt incapable, insecure and highly dependent on others to bring me joy and validation. As human beings we are here on this earth to feel as though we belong, so we seek an environment to thrive, to be nurtured, to be cherished. Anything that threatens that is not worthy of compromise even if that means not taking care of the one who matters the most, YOU. I have worked with many clients who are going through life and career transitions or business growth challenges and they share a common story. The success and happiness of their loved ones meant so much more than their desire for their own success and happiness. While that may sound noble and a representation of unconditional love, nothing could be farther from the truth.
I grew up being told, “It’s better to give than to receive.” I still believe that to this day… BUT, here’s the irony of that statement, how in the world can you give something you don’t have in the first place?”
How many parents have you heard say, “I am working hard, taking precious time away from you because this is for your future.” Tell that to a child who doesn’t understand and is craving that parent’s love NOW, not in the future.
If you’re a parent, how many times did you find yourself feeling unappreciated because you gave so much to your children and you really believed you were doing it for them and not for you?” Really, ask yourself, if you were doing it for them, does it really matter if they show appreciation or not? Expecting appreciation is a pat on our ego and is not a result of unconditional giving. Every time we expect others to behave and act a certain way, we are gearing up ourselves for disappointment because like Don Miguel Ruiz said in his book, The Four Agreements, “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
When we love ourselves, there is no need for people pleasing. There is no need for validation. We do the things we do for the sheer enjoyment of loving and serving others. Having unrealistic expectations from others is a proverbial emotional trap. It’s the seat of all disappointments, anger, resentment and regret.
My 12-year old son already knew this at a very young age. Today he wrote this on his Instagram Post:
“Take the time to feel the earth to look within. When you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone. We should always be thankful for everything we have. Take a moment to contemplate what you are thankful for. Because truly this is the meaning of Thanksgiving…” – Garrett Tiebens
If you’re not used to loving yourself, it will take time but you will also enjoy the journey of rediscovering who you really are. As you seek, you shall find… It may take a bit longer for you to feel a tangible result but just that decision to do something about your new found awareness will give you a surge of inexplicable empowerment. It’s a very powerful experience and you will know it when you see people who haven’t seen you for years and they tell you, “Wow, you are bolder and happier than the last time we saw each other!”
How can you practice Self-Love daily? Simple – it starts with awareness and a commitment that you will be cognizant when you’re not loving yourself, particularly when you:
1) Get mad at yourself for failing to do things perfectly, for not saying the right things and when you fail to please people you so desperately want to please.
2) Don’t listen to your body, when you’re feeling really tired but you have to finish more tasks for other people.
3) Add more things to your to do list and that that list doesn’t include pampering yourself by getting a manicure, pedicure, facial or a massage.
4) Entertain nagging thoughts and worry in your head, that creates sleepless nights.
5) Get so stressed and so jumpy that you raise your voice to people around you without really meaning to.
6) Skip deep breathing, meditation and prayer to ground and center you and oxygenate your brain and the trillions of cells in your body, in order to take care of somebody else.
7) Expecting expressions of appreciation and gratitude from others whom you have served and helped.
8) Wallow in self-pity for something someone has done to you.
9) Hang on to the memory of hurtful resentment for offenses done to you in the past.
10) Regretting time lost for not having done things that you should have.
Awareness takes commitment that is seasoned with time. It starts with the commitment that you will do something each day to nurture your mind, your body and your spirit and you are going to LET GO of negative emotions, feelings and people that no longer serve you. That your joy is more important than anything or anyone else’s. You’re going to take time to walk barefoot on the grass, listen to more music, dance, move and connect with more people offline – face to face. There is a beautiful exchange of energy when you do that.
With the onset of social media, we all have become the media! We all have the ability to create our own platforms and our own brands. Whether you know it or not, if you are not consciously creating your own brand presence, other people will create it for you. They will always have a perception of you so you might as well make your brand presence, “Magnetic Memorable and TRUSTED” as that is a the basic foundation on how you will monetize your products, systems or service.
If you’ve been reading my blogs and social media content for the past 6 years now, you will notice that I rarely post about how disappointed or angry I was about someone or something. It was a choice I made early on that I was going to use social media as an expression for any of these 3 I’s:
In one way or another, you and I have shared in each others’ lives virtually or in person – through social media, through my thousands of videos, blog posts, social media posts, articles and TV, radio and magazine interviews. We are definitely connected and I am absolutely grateful for your presence in my life, which in itself is a present… a gift…
If you’ve read this far, this message is meant for you! I am amazed that this is already my 7th year in and around social media and through the years, I have truly connected with the most amazing people in the world who have truly transformed my life in so many ways and that includes YOU! Have a beautiful and blessed Thanksgiving… Praying heaps of blessings to you and your families, now and always… Having an intimate, simple, low-key but very special Thanksgiving at home (but not without Champagne and Chambord! LOL!) So how are you spending today? Please Comment, Like, Subscribe and Share! Much LOVE and Virtual HUGS!
Here’s to SUCCESS with SIGNIFICANCE!